After 23 years...

It took that long for us to meet..
With hope that it will take longer for this friendship to last....till a lifetime. Insya Allah.

No one is identical..we are not but there are definitely this chemical reaction that ignite this friendship.
In reality and in this virtual galaxy we reach each other lives...in times of laughter and in times of sorrow.
You have the sixth sense of sensing my needs...emotional needs..:)
I feel belong again....

Thank you....My dear Sahabat...Happy 23rd Birthday.

You guard me not to try again...:) Hear the song...remember the song...:)

I have always heart 2 ladies in my life..we met way back during our "Growing up" years...I see them growing old with me...and now I have 2 more ladies...which I have added to my Golden age collectionz...:)

Golden age....long way to go yeah....but someone is 1/2 of 30....the older you get...the wiser you'll be....and the closer you gets to HIM...as the older you get the shorter your lifespan.

WHO ARE WE TO WORRY? WHO ARE WE TO FEEL DISTRESS?

Who are we to dwell on the smallest matters that are tormenting us..?

Matters such as....
LOVE
When can i meet my true love? Why am I missing him? Why I am not blissfully married now? Why can't i be in love? Why? Why? Why?...how dare we still searching for true love when HE is always there waiting for our attention and or love. HE is our true love. As HE is always here....HE will never run away...

MONEY
When can i afford a digi cam, car......and the list goes on? When can I own credit cards...? When can i own LV, Gucci, Prada...without burning my pockets?.....

PHYSICAL IMPERFECTIONS
When can i shed those extra kilos? Why are my ears too big? Why i have eyebags? Why my hair looks awful today? Why i do not look as pretty as her? Why? Why?

Are those genuine worries...ARE THOSE?!!!
Our worries....our pains...are nothing to be compared to HER...nothin, ZILCH..

WHY? bcause we still have the physical benefits to make life better for ourselves if we stop dwelling and blame HIM for our setbacks.

Read on..WHY?

Dedicate to HER,
Your nerves are not alerting you,
But you are still smiling,
Your anus is not at the created place,
But you are still smiling,
You ease through a tube that link to a bag for all to see,
But you are still smiling,
Your feet slumbers...not knowing when it will wakes up,
But you are still smiling,
Your dear one that vowed...till death do us apart...
is leaving without u knowing,
But you are still smiling,
In HIS eyes...you are not less his UMAT,
In OUR eyes...you are not less a woman, a sister, a daughter and a wife.
In MY eyes...you are my pillar for my strengths...You are my HERO.
I have promised myself to saunter under the morning sun to see you every morning.
I will. Insya Allah.

I posted this poem above twice...whenever i swayed to my emotional sinking moments...I will remember her and HIM. Insya Allah.

Who is her?
She is my 28 years old cousin. She was blissfully married for about a year till....she was diagnosed having a giant tumour growing on her spine. Numerous operations were done to extract the growing tumour. Her private parts were removed...as the tumours had infected those area. NOw, she ease using abnormal means..thru tubes and bags. She is bedridden...regular physiotherapy to gain back her gross motor ability...with hope that she will be able to walk again. But with the tubes and bag still hanging on her waist..that will always be a visual reminder for her physical imperfection.

Is her beloved one still tending to her needs? Can a husband tends to his wife when she is in pain? Can a husband still loves a woman that is not able to meet his needs...one that carries tube and bag to ease herself? Can a man loves a woman once she is not able to don herself?
This man proves that men can't. He is walking away with someone by his side. Is he a living example of all men? At this moment...or could i say period. My believe and trust for the Adams are deteriorating. It is.... To you whoever you are. If I can't trust you...I'm sorry, it is due to this living example and many others of your kind.

Today, you are healthy and physically fit to walk with hopes and dreams...Will it be the same tomorrow?
Today, the one you loves makes u smile, promise to love you endlessly..till death do us apart...Will it be the same tomorrow when you are physically imperfect for him?
Are you ready for tomorrow?

Cabaholic...

I am a Cabaholic. Comfort and tibs loves me for my patience. I'm always patiently waiting and have a reliable CAB sense. If you are left alone with me, do not worry of not able to reach your destination safely as I have reliable CAB sense. I can mentally detect which possible area is prone to cabs arrival. :)

My sahabats have been diligently keeping an update on my cabless day. Whenever I am around them, I am a cold turkey. They will strictly shoved my invisible hands away whenever they sensed my hands aimlessly waiving for a cab.

How infectious is this disease?
I can just be about 10mins away from my home....and i will be on the look out for cab sighthings....I am a CABaholic.

I am on a strict cabless diet. It helps me to stitch back my torn pocket. Insya Allah..:)

It helps to have sahabats who cares...Thank you Sahabats..:)..Thank you sahabat... for the endless questionings on my well- being....Thank you...You seems to be there when I am in need...Have i been of help to you..? I hope i have...:)

My tears valve...

It is rather loose now...even when a minimum emotional pressure is exerting it...tears flows down readily without force. The new year has arrived yet...i am waiting to open up my life journal 2004 when 19th February comes. Will the tears valve be let loose when the time comes? O Allah...please tighthen it when the day comes.

I am missing you...you...you and her...her...I have mentioned this before, i have expressing disability. I do not have the ability just to go up to any being and say, "sayang"...or "i miss you"....unless you are below 12 years old...:). Thus, when those words are expressed in whatever means and ways....it meant..I truly meant it..not just a passing cloud.

Ones constant absence...does not mean ones obliviousness towards ones presence. I need all those beings that are dear to me. My tears valve has been on the loose...when these words are mentioned "friendship" and "communion". I have emotional disorder..oppps...:)gosh am I a sick puppy?

Significant dates have passed....new life...new beginning...Reformasi...

Ramadhan, Syawal, 19 Dec, 31st Dec...these significant dates and months have passed...with obvious cues with the beginning of a new life chapter ahead with no dwelling of the sinking hope...dying hope..:)

2004...will transport me to a "strange" place which I have to call home...as a stepping stone for me to reach my dream..Insya Allah...i will be a sole survivor...

Reflectionz...Year 2003 has been a learning year for me where HE has taught me lessons in life that have made me a wiser being. Wise in stating my expressive abilities...wise in contributing to decision that will affect ones dear to me...wise in aiding me to choose the one that will guide me to HIM...Insya Allah. Wise in appreciating what HE has to offer me...HIS other plans that Allhamdulillah have taken place with HIS blessing. Thank you Allah.

Every year...my resolution stays the same...always the same...as the simplicity of this resolution will not dissapoint me..."My new year resolution is to be a better ME...Better me for HIM...and for HIS Beings that are dear to me."

Aerial cues were sent...with thoughts of missing them...no replies were sent...my voice was greeted with emotionless tone...my absence will not leave any deep impression, or any remembrance to you and to them. I have learnt to see the truth and the false clearly now. Don't give false impression of my absence will be missed or be remembered...Am I harsh in stating this assumption...it hurts..yesh it does but assumptions will not be made if direct or indirect cues were being delivered...I am patiently waiting for Feb 19...I am leaving on a jet plane..dunno when i'll be back again..:)

Happy New Year...